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I was giving boys blow-jobs, I was having sex with Rachel or any other girl who wanted to play. I never could get this to make sense with the feminist stuff I had learned at an early age, it confused me, and later, when I discovered that I liked, and sometimes, needed to be abused and humiliated as part of sex, I couldn't make sense of that at all. I had always hoped I would be able to talk to my grandmother about it, nothing fazed her, but by the time I needed to talk to her about the serious stuff, she was gone into what they now call Alzheimer's. I loved and trusted my mom, but I couldn't find a way to bring all this twisted, crazy stuff about my personality up with her. I just knew what I wanted, so I followed that path as well as I could, without telling the whole world about it, but since I was raised to never shut up about anything, that became a problem for me, too. I was ostracized at school, and that hurt. I was called lots of names, Tom. I even got in a fist fight once.. I'm glad they let me maintain my air of innocence, which is very important to me. I'm sure my boyfriend had clued them in on this. We drank and cheered, and I was having a great time feeling more at ease, and beyond. I'm sure they felt their patience rewarded when my boyfriend, coaxed me up onto his lap. He sat on a high bar chair, and his grip around my waist along with my movement upwards caused my dress to raise and expose my pussy. You could've heard a pin drop. I remember seeing all their faces and the expressions some of them had almost caused me to burst out laughing, but I didn't. When my boyfriend started planting soft kisses on my shoulder and neck, I just leaned back into him, while he coaxed my legs wide by spreading his own legs. Our legs were intertwined, so I was at his mercy. With my eyes closed, I enjoyed the wicked comments he'd whisper in my ear. I felt my legs spread really wide, then close, then open, until I realized he was keeping with the beat of the music.
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